Forgiveness...... The Hard Work
I believe I have mentioned here before that I am SLOWLY making my way through the Contemplative Life Program offered by Contemplative Outreach. Forgiveness is the current booklet I am praying with and meditating on.
Todays writing was an original of Thomas Keating. I quote some of it here.
If we are offenders and are not forgiven, there is always something missing in our lives. Even if we have done what we could to be reconciled with another person and the other will not respond or accept our apology, we may be at peace because we did what we could, but something will still be missing. …. Forgiveness is only complete when both persons forgive each other.
I invite you to sit with these words ….. Pay attention to where in your body you feel any response to these words? …..
If you can relate to what Keating offers, spend some time with what comes for you …
I could hear Keating’s words. It is very difficult to be in such a situation. ‘Something will still be missing’ indeed.
It is hard to let go when the other person does not wish to attempt forgiveness let alone reconciliation.
Thankfully I do not have much experience with this. However, it only takes one broken relationship to feel this loss.
We must above all forgive God for what we do not like in ourselves and in our lives. The experience of God’s forgiveness heals our wounds and enables us to forgive ourselves even if others refuse to forgive us. This is an enormous boost to confidence in God and in our true selves.
How can we know if we have been forgiven by God? By fully forgiving others. In this way we know with certainty that God has forgiven us and thus we can finally forgive ourselves.
When I first read the line about forgiving God I thought it must be a typo. Could it be that we could forgive God? Maybe it is a mistake. That said, as I continued to sit with this possibility I began to appreciate the invitation. There are moments of self-reflection when I can consider moments or traits that are not flowing from my best self, my God-given self. St. Paul’s words come to mind:
“I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate (Romans 7:15)”.
I pray at times that these jagged edges were not mine to carry, to own. Yet, our humanity is multi-faceted. We are both/and, layered, precious, blessed and loved. In all of it.
Three points get revisited - the work of forgiveness (God’s forgiving us/we forgiving God), forgiving others, and self-forgiveness. Movement between the three energizes the flow of the work.
The work of forgiveness and self-forgiveness is a spiritual practice that this Lenten season calls me to. The invitation is to hold it gently, open and trusting that Spirit accompanies and guides. While it has moments of feeling like ‘work’ it also feels that I am paying attention to where I feel energy in my spiritual path right now.
In these early days of Lent I pray that you are finding ways to lean back into your places of calling. Perhaps places that are uncomfortable to sit with…. Perhaps growing, expanding edges between you and the Holy One … Perhaps desert lands (don’t forget to bring what you need to visit there) … Perhaps revisiting glorious, transformative moments …. Partly work, partly where the energy calls attention.
It would be lovely if you felt comfortable sharing what is drawing your attention so far this Lent…..
We hold each other in prayer …..